All this free time...

...and nothing to do but prepare for failure.

Now that the bar exam is over and I've returned from my post-bar vacation, I now have tons of free time. I don't even want to think about a job right now, not until I get my bar results. Today, I got up around 10:30, cleaned my house, went grocery shopping, cooked, worked out and took Jack to the dog park. And now I'm back at home and I'm looking around and the thought of laying around watching tv just makes me anxious. The more I sit around and do nothing, the more I think about the bar exam and plan for possible situation that I did not pass.

Things that have been going through my head about possibly failing the bar:

-If I fail, I will dress up as somebody really stupid for Halloween, like Jessica Simpson or one of the Olly girls from Sunset Tan. This goes along with a mantra that I hold on strong to: If I don't laugh at myself, I'll probably end up crying, so it's best just to laugh.

-If I fail, I will immediately enroll in a 2 week bartending course and get a job somewhere as a bartender until I start studying for the bar again.

-If I fail, I will suck it up and go celebrate with all my friends who did pass, because that's probably better than crying by myself in my apartment all next weekend.

-If I fail, I will tell people who are oblivious to the fact that the scores already came out that I took the Texas bar exam and have to wait till November to find out if I passed or not...you know, just to save face.

-I've been making an "at least I'm not" list in my head to make me feel better about my life. I.e. At least I'm not so-and-so, who just got pregnant with her 3rd kid...because who wants to have 3 kids right now? Not me :) And at least I'm not Evan Rachel Wood, because then I would be sleeping with Marilyn Manson...and well, ew.

I'm glad I'm not working right now, but I kind of wish I was in school for something. Maybe I'll start going to that ceramics place and make some pots. I guess I could get back to painting, I just feel so artistically unmotivated right now. Any suggestions?